On Healing, Part One

Healing is a process, and sometimes a long one.  In this first of two posts, I am going to share about my emotional/spiritual healing process, hopefully as an encouragement and inspiration to anyone who is grieving. In the second post I will discuss my physical healing journey, for anyone who may be interested in a more “natural” approach to total wellness. These will be the last posts about this experience, as I am pretty excited to move forward into a bright and promising future, hopefully full of more pregnancy, babies, and new opportunities!

One of the things that I did when I first began to grieve (besides cry, alot), was to write. I have noticed through this process that suffering brings about much creativity. It goes back as far as David and the Psalms- the trials that we face give rise to the heights of our creative ability. Expressing our grief, whether through song, art or the written word is woven throughout human history. It is a gift. When I first found out that I was pregnant, I began a journal to the “Bean”, as I called it. The following poem is the last thing that I wrote the day after we found out. I was outside with the dog, and I heard a bird chirping. It triggered something inside of me, and I went upstairs and wrote this in five minutes.

I’ll See You in the Spring

Can you hear the sparrow sing? Do you know it’s tone, it’s ring? When the leaves are off their branches can you see them in the breeze?

Can you see the sun, it’s light? It’s rays stretched out in warm delight? Can you feel the softest wind as it blows through here and back again?

I’ll see you in the spring my child, I’ll see you in the spring. When all is new, the world is green, and all is right that’s ever been.

Can you hear my whispering voice? Do you know it’s tone, it’s ring? Can you feel my heart break too, at the very thought of you?

I’ll see you in the spring my child, I’ll see you in the spring. When all is new, the world is green, and all is right that’s ever been.

Another way that I worked through the grieving process was to create a video montage. It is a montage of us and all our loved ones, family and friends, who would have been a part of this baby’s life. It reminds me of all the great times we’ve had with those people, and how dear they are to me. I know it may seem a bit cheesy to some, and I debated with myself whether or not to share it. But it was definitely something that helped me “memorialize” my baby and bring some closure. The song is Adele’s “To Make You Feel My Love”. I honestly don’t know how a person can get through pain and loss without three things: faith, family, and friends. These have been my saving grace, and I hope that my story, and the things that I have learned, can bring hope and healing to someone else.