I Hate Religion.

Published July 9, 2009 Christianese , Spirituality , The Church 4 Comments
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pharisee

And I’m pretty sure Jesus did too.

This post is inspired by a sermon given by Sean Brown at West End Community Church last weekend. It might sound a tad harsh, especially coming from a Christian, but bear with me. In summary, here are the reasons I hate religion:

- It divides people.

- It causes war and strife.

- It makes people feel despised, judged, and excluded.

- It causes man to commit the greatest sin of all time. Pride.

- It makes people think that we are judged by our actions alone.

- It causes people to put up masks and hide who they truly are.

- It puts God in a box.

- It causes people to fear and avoid God-given pleasures.

- It blinds us to true communion and relationship with God.

- It makes people neurotic and fills them with confusion.

- It is the most deceitful illusion in history.

Thankfully, as I mentioned, Jesus feels the same way. The God that I worship is not interested in his love for humanity being institutionalized and commandeered by selfish, arrogant and unmerciful people. He didn’t come to institute a religion. He came to pronounce a new Kingdom in this earth,  and to invite the sick, the fatherless, the lost and the hopeless to come in. Please take a moment to read the following “woes” that Christ himself pronounced on the Pharisees, and think about how much of this describes the church today. Jesus saved his most vehement and forceful language for the “righteous” of his day.

If you have ever been burned, hurt, or cast out by the church, I am so sorry. Please know that what you have experienced does not represent the true heart of God, and it is not the true definition of church. He is LOVE.  He was, is and always will be, and you will know His followers by their marked love for others. Even in His judgment He is merciful and loving, and full of grace and compassion.  If you don’t know this God, through Christ Jesus,  then you haven’t met the real thing yet.

13“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the kingdom of heaven in men’s faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to.[c]

15“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when he becomes one, you make him twice as much a son of hell as you are…

23…Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cummin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. 24You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.

25“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. 26Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.

27“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men’s bones and everything unclean. 28In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness…

33“…You snakes! You brood of vipers! How will you escape being condemned to hell? 34Therefore I am sending you prophets and wise men and teachers. Some of them you will kill and crucify; others you will flog in your synagogues and pursue from town to town. 35And so upon you will come all the righteous blood that has been shed on earth, from the blood of righteous Abel to the blood of Zechariah son of Berekiah, whom you murdered between the temple and the altar. 36I tell you the truth, all this will come upon this generation.”

Verse excerpts from Matthew 23

Rest in Peace, Michael Jackson. 1958-2009

Published June 26, 2009 Music , Tribute 5 Comments
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I never thought this day would come so soon. As I sit here staring blankly at the news, my mind wanders back to junior high, when I would rush home from school every day to record news reports about Michael Jackson on video with my best friends. I was definitely a fan. I was completely mesmerized and amazed by his music and stage performance. He made me believe in the magic of music and dance, the power of a great show. I remember watching his videos over and over, trying to emulate his moves, and just being fascinated by his short film stories that made you wish you were a part of his world.

Despite all of the weirdness that ensued later on in his life, I tried to remember the amazing genius that he was, and the positive things that he gave to the world. He influenced an entire generation of creative people, including myself. His music transcended all boundaries, and spoke directly to the heart, as only amazing music can.  It moved people to laugh, cry, think, wonder, dance and sing. That is a gift from God. He was a man who was blessed beyond belief with talent, and he shared it with the world. He paid a high price for fame, but I don’t think he would have had it any other way. Thanks Michael, for the inspiration, for the beauty, for the music. There will never be another. May angels lead you in.

The Activist Streak

Published June 19, 2009 Social Action , The Church 6 Comments
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539wI am excited for this weekend, specifically today. I am going to a rally to support the Iranian people in their protest of the current election results. I realize that the situation in Iran is very complex, and that the reform candidate may not be much better for U.S. foreign policy than the current president. I am simply going out in support of the hundreds of thousands of Iranians who are willing to risk their lives to gain a more representative government.  I’m not sure about you, but I have always had an activist streak. When I was in Junior High, I wanted more than anything to be a true hippie.  I would literally watch the Woodstock footage for hours, and stand in front of the mirror singing Janis Joplin. There was something romantic and exciting to me about that era. To have something to fight for, a cause. During the 80’s and 90’s, as a young person, it didn’t feel like there were any worthy causes out there.

Over the last few years, I have begun to realize more and more the Christian’s responsibility to stand for things that represent the kingdom of God in the earth, and to stand up against things that don’t. I realize that this can open a huge Pandora’s Box of arguments within the Christian Church about what we should actually be protesting.  But I believe that the Church is called to stand against anything that represents darkness. I’ve begun to read Bishop Oscar Romero’s book, The Violence of Love, and he states:

“When we struggle for human rights, for freedom, for dignity, when we feel it is a ministry of the church to concern itself for those who are hungry, for those who are deprived, we are not departing from God’s promise. He comes to free us from sin, and the church knows that sin’s consequences are all such injustices and abuses. The church knows it is saving the world when it undertakes also to speak of such things” (24).

He also states:

“When we preach the Lord’s word, we decry not only the injustices of the social order. We decry every sin that is night, that is darkness: drunkenness, gluttony, lust, adultery, abortion, everything that is the reign of iniquity and sin. Let them all disappear from our society” (11).

So it is not a matter of “either/or” for me. Personal issues of morality and societal injustices are all part of the sinful nature of man. It’ not about politics, or national interest. It’s about the kingdom of God and whether it is being manifest. I guess you could say I’ve found my cause.

Do You Notice?

Published June 16, 2009 Life , Thoughts and Observations 11 Comments
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people_walkingIt has become obvious to me that as people get older, we simply notice less.  I can drive down the same street every single day for years, and not see the market on the corner, or the new building going up at the busy intersection. Most of all, we stop noticing people.  As we go about our day, we are focused, and intent on getting all of our “to-do” items checked off our list. If we are not on the phone or another device, we are most likely staring downward in thought about a pressing issue in our lives, or simply daydreaming.

I have been trying lately to be more intentional about noticing my environment and the people around me. Like the lady in my office building who goes out for a smoke every hour. Or the elderly man who comes to work with an oxygen tank in a wheelchair. Or the new sign in the bus stop terminal outside the hospital, and the man sitting on the bench. Even unrelated things, like the way the people across the restaurant are laughing together, or the ant crawling along the ground holding a piece of food three times his size. In my mind I create vignettes around these flashes of other realities. Often I try to catch someone’s eye and smile, and many times, even though I am in the South and people are typically very congenial, I will get a surprised smile in return. It’s as if people have forgotten how to acknowledge each other, how to take each other in. It is amazing what you can notice when you simply look up and look around.

What are things that you notice in your daily life that you feel sometimes get passed by?

Rebellion

Published June 13, 2009 Career , Films , Life , Spirituality 6 Comments
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“To me it’s so simple, that life should be lived on the edge of life. You have to exercise rebellion. To refuse to taper yourself to rules, to refuse your own success, to refuse to repeat yourself, to see every day, every year, every idea as a true challenge, and then you are going to live your life on the tightrope.”

- Phillipe Petit, “Man on Wire”

man-on-wire

My husband and I watched the film Man on Wire last night. It is the amazing story of Philippe Petit, a French tightrope walker who dared to walk between the two World Trade Center towers in August 1974. He saw a news article as a young man reporting on the construction of the towers in New York, and from then on they became “his” towers. He knew that his life goal would be to walk between them. At the age of 24 he did just that, with much planning and a team of associates who helped him sneak the equipment into the towers and set up the line throughout the night. The story is one of profound beauty and meaning. One of his friends who was interviewed said that for Phillipe, “every day was a work of art.” Seeing this man perched on a three-quarter inch cable thousands of feet above New York City is just that.

I have been thinking a great deal lately about what it means to rebel. Mainly, to rebel, as Phillipe refers to it, against the status quo, against the mundane, and against others expectations of you. As I am slowly learning how to let go and trust the Lord in His calling on my life, I am finding that when you make a decision that is outside the realm of others programmed expectations or cultural norms, people don’t know how to respond. Our culture dictates to us how to live our lives, and it is a strong prescriptive- go to school, go to college, get a job, work like mad, make more money, buy more stuff, work even more,  move “up” in the social food chain, keep running on the hamster wheel. It is a seriously tough thing to jump off. Who will catch me? Where will I land?  How bad will it hurt? These are all questions I’ve asked myself lately.

One thing I’ve noticed is that no one who accomplished anything great in their lives followed the rules to do it. The rules don’t get you anywhere. Once you can color outside the lines, you see that the lines weren’t helping you to be creative.  I’m not presuming that we should chuck all common sense to the wind, but we must ask ourselves what kind of life we want to live. One that is safe? Predictable? Secure? Or one that is risky, adventurous and involves a serious possibility of falling down hard? I’m beginning to realize that this is the life God is calling me into. I want to live my life on the tightrope.  I want to follow the narrow path that God has for me, focus intently on it, and experience the exhilaration that comes from it, all the while knowing that if I miss a step and fall He will be right there to catch me.

Rebellion against this world is obedience to God.

Life Lessons With Newman

Published June 10, 2009 Attempts at Comedy , Newman 10 Comments
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IMG_0527 There are certain things that we could learn from dogs. Before I became a dog owner, I had no idea how much a pup could turn your world upside down. I swore I would never be “that” dog owner, and everything I vowed against has come true. I am a card-carrying Petsmart PetPerks member. I stand outside, bleary-eyed in my ripped up pajamas at 7am and praise the pup in a completely unintelligible language when he goes potty.

Once you cross over, there is no turning back. Over the past six months I have noticed that although I have many things to still teach my dog Newman, he has already taught me a great deal. Here goes:

- Get excited about the simple things.

- There is nothing more important than spending time with the people you love.

- Roll around in the grass once in a while.

- Always be willing to sniff out new territory.

- Be open to learning new tricks.

- All hard work is worth it if there is a treat waiting for you.

- Play hard and then pass out.

- Drink lots of water. (just don’t pee on the floor)

- No matter what your size, if you bark loud enough you will seem intimidating.

- Always let your loved ones know you are happy to see them.

- Loyalty is underrated.

- And last but not least….

All pillows need a good hump every once in a while.

Hot Yoga.

Published May 28, 2009 Babies , Fitness , Referrals , Spirituality 4 Comments
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73550302MC007_bikram

This month I began a  new journey into the world of Hot Yoga. My best  friend invited me to a class, and I reluctantly obliged, knowing I would just be torturing myself if I enjoyed it because I wouldn’t be able to afford the classes going forward. But after the first night, I was hooked.  It was the hardest thing I’ve ever undertaken physically, but I felt so cleansed and refreshed afterward.  The 105 degree heat seems to be your worst enemy at first, but you soon realize it is your ally, and you even begin to look forward to spending time in the heat. After one class, my husband said I was “glowing” (could have been the bucket of sweat pouring off me, but hey, I’ll take it.) It has honestly been a life changing experience. I can enter in the worst mood possible, and after a class I am totally relaxed and content.

A new studio, Bikram Cool Springs, opened up early this year, and this is where my friends and I practice. The owner and teachers are knowledgeable and serious about helping you to improve in each of the postures. I have noticed my flexibility and muscle tone improve just from going 3-4 times per week, as well as an improvement in my circulation, and some “unsightly” veins in my legs almost disappearring. I am excited about the possibilities of practicing in the future when I become pregnant, as it is supposed to help tremendously with natural childbirth and delivery. I never have to get that “ugh, I HAVE to go to the gym” feeling again! I so look forward to each 90 minute class!

As a Christian, I sometimes get questions or raised eyebrows when I mention that I am practicing yoga.  I am fully aware that this practice is of Hindu origin, and I decided to do a little reading into Hinduism to better educate myself on this faith system.  In the book  The World’s Religions, Huston Smith explains: “The word yoga derives from the same root as does the English word yoke, and yoke carries a double connotation: to unite (yoke together), and to place under disciplined training (to bring under the yoke, or “take my yoke upon you”) … defined generally then, yoga is a method of training designed to lead to integration or union” (27).

Hatha yoga, which is the version that has survived in the West, has been mainly focused on the discipline of the body, and the benefits of the practice can certainly be achieved separately from any search for spiritual enlightenment in the Hindu sense. This is how I see it. Since I do not practice Hinduism, but believe in a monotheistic God who created the human body, and exists apart from my body (although His spirit dwells within me), I revel in this opportunity to bring my body under control, while at the same time giving my mind the quietness and space it needs to meditate on the character and word of God, pray to Him, and listen to His spirit speaking to me. Some may call this a “hijacking” of the original purpose of yoga, but I call it improvising. No matter your faith background, I would encourage anyone to give it a try.

Does Information Equal Obligation?

Published April 23, 2009 Consumerism , Economy , Social Action , Spirituality , The Church , Thoughts and Observations 4 Comments

Over the past few years, it seems as though social justice has become the new tidal wave in church culture, with everyone in the younger generation jumping in for the ride. I am one of those people who has jumped in with both feet. When I first read books like the Irresistible Revolution, my heart soared with the possibilities of how I could declare that “Another World is Possible, Another World is Here!”. It gave me new eyes with which to see my faith, and changed my outlook on many issues for the better.  I had also become very frustrated with the current church culture (isolated, stagnant, self absorbed), and this new movement sparked something inside of me that was quite powerful.

But I quickly began to become frantic- how would I change the world? What was my piece of the social justice puzzle? Would I start a homeless shelter? Sell my home and go live on the streets? Write a scathing expose of some evil company in my city who was exploiting workers? Become an activist and sit on the courthouse steps singing “By the Waters of Babylon?”  I knew I had to do SOMETHING, and not just something small.  I had to make a difference.

I also began to notice that I was developing a judgmental attitude toward other Christians who “just didn’t get it”. People who weren’t excited about this new revolution in the church bothered me.  How could everyone not be turning their lives upside down to change things?

After a year or so of reading books, listening to talks, watching videos, attending conferences, and trying to “be the change”, I have found that I am simply becoming frustrated, for a few reasons:

1) I easily fall prey to feelings of guilt that I am not doing enough.

Whenever I read articles about “rejecting apathy”, and “being the change” , I immediately begin to feel like I am not a true follower of Christ if I am not making drastic changes in my life, and forsaking myself at every turn for the poor and downtrodden.  I read passages in Scripture where Jesus asks someone to sell all they have and give it to the poor, and I wonder if my lifestyle is one of a true Christ follower. I know no one likes to admit that Jesus actually said that, or we say he was just calling out that particular person because it was an issue of their motives, but isn’t that just explaining it away? He says it more than once in several different contexts.

I have a mortgage and two cars. I want to buy organic all the time. I want to build a deck on my home, and I’d like to have kids and take them to extracurricular activities.  I like all natural “green” products, which cost more.

I want to get a graduate degree, which will cause me to go into insane amounts of debt. I work a full-time job, and don’t have much time when the day is done to spend volunteering and being with those in need. I am lucky to get in enough quality time with my husband and my dog. This is my middle class American life. Does this make me a bad Christian? Should we just jump off the train altogether?

2) I am bombarded with information about poverty.

In the previous century, “helping the poor” meant giving the homeless man who tapped on your window a sandwich and a drink. Now, it means that as a Christian, I am responsible for the lives of millions of Africans languishing with AIDS, the starving children across the world, and those trapped in sexual slavery. I am not making light of these awful situations- there is so much sin and devastation. But just because we now live in a “global community”,  and I am a “privileged American”, does that automatically implicate me to help people across the world?

I have a Compassion child that I support in Ethiopia, and we send letters.  It is wonderful. I also do the best that I can to use my middle class purchasing power to direct my money toward companies who support sustainable and ethical practices, whether it is the food that I buy or my cleaning supplies.  I am a ONE member, and send letters to my representatives when I am asked.  But is all that enough? Does information equal obligation?

Would it be enough if I simply invited someone in my congregation who is struggling financially over for dinner? Would it be enough if I supported local organizations who work with women transitioning out of prison? Is it enough to just work with “the poor among us”?

Is it wrong to have hopes and dreams for my life that some people will never begin to consider because of the overwhelming poverty they have been born into? Is it part of my Christian responsibility to feel guilty for what I did not choose- the country where I was born, the family I was born into, and my ability to produce income and enjoy certain luxuries? These were not my choice-  these are blessings from God that I am very thankful for.

These are hard questions that I am grappling with as I continue to seek the Lord’s wisdom and guidance in my life.  I welcome your comments.

Creativity and Trust

Published April 21, 2009 Creativity , Marriage Leave a Comment

My husband and I have begun to write songs together. It is moving slowly, but steadily we are beginning to trust each other with our creativity. We have been married for almost seven years, and we have both always had musical skills and creative urges, but we never collaborated. This always perplexed me- it didn’t make sense that we weren’t creating together all along.

I would write little poems and short stories, or blog and dream about screenplay ideas while he plugged away at his songs and recorded them, mixed, them, and let me sing background vocals. I felt lucky to be asked to do that much! But last month, I helped him with the lyrics to his latest song, and it was such an amazing feeling. We were finally there! Joining forces! Later that week, I called him and left a melody on his voicemail that I couldn’t get out of my head. He played it back the other night, and reminded me that he thought it had great potential. He is pretty picky, so I was beaming with excitement. He sat down at the piano and played his interpretation of it, and we hummed along to the melody (no lyrics yet). There is something so sweet in those moments, and I can’t get enough of it.

I always felt that there had to be a reason we weren’t creating together yet- we just weren’t ready. We hadn’t reached that level of trust and intimacy with each other, where we were willing to be completely vulnerable with the deepest cries of our heart. You would think just walking down the aisle would make that a given, but it takes much more work.  Sharing in a creative process with the person you love most in the world is like embarking on strange and tedious journey- you must be careful to protect and guard what is shared, and nurture it like you would a small seed.  Anytime you release something that God has given you and placed in your heart, you make yourself vulnerable to the hearer/viewer/reader, and it is both terrifying and exhilarating.

I am so grateful for where the Lord has brought us in or marriage, and that we are finally in a place where we can begin this creative journey together. I pray that we will never let that die, and continue to hear those divine whispers in each other for the rest of our lives.

A Long Vacation…

Published April 14, 2009 Inspiration , Personal Stories , Spirituality , Vacations 5 Comments

As is painfully obvious, my vacation to Florida apparently sent me into a tailspin of taking vacation from everything else in life… including  my blog.

As you may have read in older posts, I have been going through a very interesting personal journey over the past few months, and as soon as I thought I was out of the woods, it got even more interesting. I am definitely not a believer in “coming full circle”. That is such a terrible metaphor for life. Nothing is that symmetrical or mathematical, or predictable.  I picture it more as a zig-zag line, somtimes going forward, sometimes back, until you reach your destination.

I came through one test, feeling victorious, and then I heard the Lord say “I’m not done with you yet.” “Really Lord? Can I just feel like I have arrived already?” I guess this vacation has been an opportunity for me to continue evaluating my life, my choices, my relationships, and myself. I have even evaluated why I blog! *gasp*

I remember one day sitting in a staff meeting, telling my boss all the various activities I was involved in. He looked me square in the eye, and said “Hilary, you are driven.” At first I was flattered, thinking, “wow, he’s giving me a compliment! Sweet.” But it wasn’t. He proceeded to tell me that there is a huge difference between being driven and being called. I had never in my life heard of being driven as a bad thing.  Our culture tells you that this is the only way you can succeed.  I am now in the process of stripping everything away except that which I am called to do in this season of life. It is a painful for a person who finds her meaning and significance in “doing” and being busy, but I know it is a necessary process for me to know my true identity in Christ, and see His perfect plan unfolding in my life.

So some things I will take a long vacation from, others I will continue to take part in. This blog is one of those things I plan to keep. For the sake of full divulgence, following is a list of things I have given up for the time being:

- volunteering with hospice

- volunteering with the Public Guardianship for the Elderly program

- leading worship at church

- getting e-mails from a million random organizations (no more clogged inbox = less stress!)

- thinking up a new business venture/creative idea every single day

- pressuring myself to read 5 books/month

- reading all the blogs in my Google Reader (sometimes I hit “mark all as read” without reading them- you should try it sometime- a very naughty but good feeling)

- trying to listen to and keep up with several different podcasts at once

- comparing my “success” and achievements to others- this never bodes well for me

- going to every social event that I am invited to

Some of these things are great things, and I’m sure I will get back to them some day. But for now I’m on vacation!

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