It’s been a few months since I posted about my diagnosis, and so many things have happened since. I thought I would share with you how things are going. Also, since many people have asked, I will also share all the different things I am doing for treatment and to keep moving forward in this “adventure” of getting my health back not just to what it was before, but hopefully even better.
I have processed so many emotions over the past few months about this. When I was first diagnosed I was in shock- I didn’t want to be “sick”, or “diseased”. I was proud of how healthy and energetic I was. I dreaded the possibility of having my physical limits be pulled back or my energy to be lower than normal. I felt like I crossed some invisible line from “healthy”, something I based my entire identity on, to not healthy. One of “them”- people who suffer daily with a chronic illness.
It took me some time to even wrap my head around this, and every day I felt increasingly mired in self pity. Until one day I realized that there is no such thing as simply “healthy” or “sick”- it isn’t that binary. We are all at different levels of health, immune strength, disease, stress or illness at any given moment. Getting this diagnosis didn’t ban me to the world of the “ill” forever- it actually opened my eyes to so many things my body was crying out for that I wasn’t giving it. Stress, anxiety, people pleasing, and running myself into the ground physically and emotionally, along with my particular genetic makeup, were what put my body in a weakened position for this disease to run rampant.
I feel like so often we are sold the lie that you can constantly run at full speed, ignore your emotions, eat whatever you want, take on loads of stress, and somehow stay healthy. But this whole process has taught me that no person, no matter how healthy (or should I say no matter how awesome their genetics are), can carry on like that forever. Our bodies need care. They need full breaths of air, they need sunshine, they need healthy, whole and nutritious foods, and they need space and quiet. And I have also learned how huge a factor emotions are in the whole spectrum of disease and health. What we feed our minds and souls, and how we handle our emotions, can be extremely toxic to our health.
I know this journey is a lifelong one, and I would be lying if I said there are days when I don’t feel completely beat down and miserable about it. There are days when I don’t have the energy to get out of bed or off the couch, and I hate it. I want to be the most energetic mom in the world for my kids, and some days I just can’t. And that is so, so hard. Right now I am toward the end of my second round of homeopathic treatment, and the herxing can be brutal. It can even make my moods shift on a dime, and sometimes my emotions feel like they don’t even belong to me. Some days I wish I didn’t see double all the time. I want to look at the sky and actually see the blue, not the blue behind a veneer of sparkling white flares. I want to not feel like I am stumbling over my words and wondering if anyone noticed. I want to feel like my body belongs fully to me again, and isn’t constantly waging a battle against this horrible bacteria.
But every day, I know I have a choice. I can get up and jump into despair and “why me”, or I can choose to hold on to hope and joy. I can look at all the amazing things in my life and be grateful. And I can allow this give me more and more compassion for people in this world who are different, and who struggle. This burden is so light compared to so many.
I love this quote from G.K. Chesterton:
“An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered.”
This whole thing has been, to put it lightly, one major inconvenience. It isn’t threatening my life. But it has certainly rearranged it and turned it upside down. But instead of seeing it as an inconvenience, I decided that I am going to take Chesterton’s advice and see it as an adventure. What can I learn from it? Where will it take me? And how can I use it to help others? These questions keep me from getting too bummed out. :)
So far this journey and everything I am learning has positively impacted so many of my family and friends. They have been able to make sense of some of their health issues because of information I have discovered. I feel so lucky and blessed to have found a doctor who understands this disease and how to treat it effectively. I am confident that some day soon I will be able to feel not just 100% again, but 110%. I like to call it “Hilary 2.0”. I don’t ever want to go “back” to the way I was before. I’ve learned too much and changed too much for the better through this to want to rewind my life. But I do want to move forward into a healthy and whole future.
Here are the primary treatments and other protocols I am using right now to help improve my health. Please keep in mind, I didn’t start all these at one time. Sometimes the weight of “trying to heal”- figuring out what to eat, what to take, what to do first can just add more stress and make things worse. So I am taking my time and figuring out what works best for me. I am trying to support my body to heal itself, the best way I know how.
If you read this and have any questions, please don’t hesitate to contact me. I am certainly no health coach, and everyone’s situation is so different, but I do love to share what I have been learning. :) Thank you for reading, and all your love and encouragement along the way.
DesBio Series Therapy for Borellia, Babesia and Bartonella, and Lyme Plus/Bartonella Nosodes
Biomechanical Stimulation Therapy
Detoxification/ Liver Support
5-MTHF Supplement (this is specifically for support with the MTHFR mutation)
Lifestyle/ Emotional Support
Church, community, friends and family
I use the following oils topically every day: